Saturday, September 30, 2006

Editing My Blog

Guess what everyone!? I am no longer a blogger retard! lol... I was able to successfully figure out how to edit one of the lists along the side of this (stupid) blog. Hurray me! lol ok.. I know I'm like the last person to know how. Now all that comes next is adding different lists on the side..... maybe next


Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Getting Ready - Bridget Style

The following is a paragraph of information from Bridget (Jones that is) on the art of getting ready (for a party, date, social event, etc...)

"Being a woman is worse than being a farmer - there is so much harvesting and crop spraying to be done: legs to be waxed, underarms shaved, eyebrows plucked, feet pumiced, skin exfoliated and moisturized, spots (in British slang means “acne” lol) cleansed, roots dyed, eyelashes tinted, nails filled, cellulite massaged, stomach muscles exercised. The whole performance is so highly tuned, you need only to neglect it for a few days for the whole thing to go to seed... ugh, ugh. Is it any wonder girls have no confidence?"

Might I just say... the above is completely true, and funny... these are my Bridget-isms.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Stories From Lebanon

I found a site that has a section called "Diaries Live from Lebanon". Stories, every few days, from the thousands of people now homeless since the beginning of the war. Some of these stories may have even come from people who are now dead... from bombing, shooting, injury, being trapped under their levelled houses, hunger, and disease. I wanted to share this story:

War is becoming a way of life
Zena el-Khalil writing from Beirut, Live from Lebanon, 6 August 2006

Last night I dreamed that I was at the beach. We were camping out, the whole family was there -- then suddenly someone told me that we were at war, and that we had to leave. I got really panicky and my heartbeat started racing. I remember running around trying to find everyone to tell them we had to leave right away. The only way out was by boat. By the time I got to the boat, everyone around me had disappeared.

I was all alone. It was getting dark. There was no electricity or lights ...

The bushes began to rattle and I began to hear really creepy noises, like someone moaning and nails scratching. I decided that I would try and take the trip out on my own. I turned on the boat and then suddenly some family members appeared in front of me. I was so happy to see them. I ran up to them and hugged them, but as I did, they vanished from sight again.

I was devastated.

I fell to the ground and started to cry.

As i looked up, I noticed blood on my hands and realized that it was coming from me ... that I was crying blood.

I leaned over the boat to look at myself in the reflection of the water. The water was a light red and all I could see were dismembered humans in the water -- arms, legs, torsos.

I began to scream and scream ... until I woke up.

In some ways, I wish I never woke up. It seems that my reality is even worse than the dream. There are now around 1,000 documented civilian deaths in Lebanon. The numbers in Israel are beginning to rise as well.

Hospitals have begun to shut down due to lack of fuel. By this time next week, they will all be gone. Not only will casualties no longer be able to be treated, but what happens to the everyday people who regularly go in for stuff like chronic treatment -- kidney dialysis and chemotherapy?

What is to become of Maya?

This attack is not going to bring about anything except for more anger and more hate.

You can not make peace through bombs!

There are over 10,000 Israeli troops inside Lebanon right now. The UN draft for the ceasefire is not going well. They are asking that Hizballah stop firing their rockets but say nothing about the Israeli soldiers leaving Lebanon.

The last time they were here, they stayed for 18 years.

I was only able to visit my father's village in the south a few years ago, after the pull out. It was the first time I had ever been there. I remember how surreal it was. Our home had been used as an Israeli army center during their occupation. They used to detain, interrogate and torture people in our house. Is that going to happen all over again? After the pull out, we knocked down the old house and built a new one.

Why is it that Israel is allowed to occupy other peoples' homes?

I was in that house a little over a month ago. It was July 1st, my cousin's birthday. Now i don't know if I shall ever see it again. Did I tell you my husband and I slept outdoors that night, on the patio? It was so quiet and serene ... so peaceful ...

For those of you who have been leaving messages of peace and love, I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many loving friends. You have done so much to keep me going. Sometimes I am so numb and down that I cannot feel your energy, but what happens is that I find myself on the computer typing away and then realize that at least you are providing me with some kind of distraction ... and that is as good as it gets for now.

We have lost all sense of time and life. People wander around, trying to get their daily life stuff done, but we are walking around like zombies, not knowing where or when this will all end. Not knowing if this last breath in will be our last breath out ... ever.

I know our neighbors are in pain too, so I wonder why and how this is all allowed to happen. So absolutely pointless.

It has almost been a month now, this violence. I have not been able to draw or make anything. I did manage to go to my studio once. It is still ok, but I had forgotten some jars of glitter by the window the last time i was there, a month ago, and the glitter had lost its color from the sun! I was so upset ... I brought this glitter with me all the way from NYC :)

In the beginning of war, one is concerned about their personal safety. Then after a few days, you realize that you are still alive, so your thoughts then go out to those around you. You start spending your time trying to help others in need. Then you reach out and start thinking about all those who are dying or being displaced. You try and help them. If you can't, you end up spending all your time thinking about them, writing about them -- then you realize how much time has gone by, how much you miss your old life. You try and pick up a few pieces. You try and give yourself some personal time during the day to do the stuff you miss doing. Then you start to feel selfish. I went to the studio, but I could not work. I will try again. And again. Until something happens.

I have not given up on hope or life. I still believe in humanity. I have not yet learned to hate. I never will.

I am ok health wise ... the anxiety attacks have lessened. At least when I get them now, I know exactly what is going on, and I know that it will pass. It makes a big difference. I try and breathe deep breaths. Sometimes I can control it, sometimes I can't. Sometimes I break down into tears, being taken over by a fearful hysteria, resulting in cold sweats and vomiting. Sometimes I am able to snap my fingers, yell out loud to myself, "Stop it!" and then move on and try and do something productive or distracting.

As each day goes by, war is becoming a way of life. And that is so dangerous. People must never get used to this.

Today it is Lebanon ... but tomorrow, who will be next?

Violence begets violence. And all this attack is doing is creating more hate for the West in this region. It didn't have to be like this.

It was only a month ago that I was in the south of Lebanon listening to the radio. The station was being broadcasted from Israel -- they were playing great music from the '80s. I was listening, enjoying the tranquility, and thinking about how similar we were.

A part of me wants to just sleep and wake up when this is all over with -- however, I am so scared that when I do wake up, things will just be a lot worse.

My Main Blog

So.. I am now using this blog as my main one.. why, you ask? BECAUSE I NOW HATE MSN SPACES! I used to love it, because it was so easy to use. And then one day I edited my space.. and it put everything wrong.. so I tried to go back to edit it again... except when I press the buttons they don't work, or open, or DO ANYTHING. So I decided to delete my space and start over.. but guess what! THE BUTTON WON"T WORK EITHER!!
So, I took a deep breath, and said "screw you msn..." So here I am.

Well, it's been a while since I've been on here. Mostly because I was in Lebanon this summer (yes, war-torn lebanon). And I was there when the bombing started.. and yes I was evacuated (2 weeks later.. damn, slow-ass, Harper and his fucking conservative ways). But I really don't want to talk about that. Lebanon was beautiful.. and I mean WAS. Becuase it was soooo close to being rebuilt.. soo close... and now, once again, as was 15 years ago, we are a pile of rubble and bodies. Power companies gone.. no electricity. Water companies gone and water reserves poluted... no drinking water, or water for washing. What will come next I wonder...well if there's no water and no electricity to heat up what little water we have... there won't be any showering or washing of any kind. Bacteria will grow.. diseases will spread..thereby killing.. oohh..EVERYONE!

Good work Isreal.. you've really screwed us over now. THANKS :)

I should probably go before I get actually insulting (this is nothing)


Tuesday, May 02, 2006


Each time I log onto this site, (which is always once in a blue moon-which I just recently learned what that saying actually means, because apparently I am not of the intelligent kind) I'm surprised to find that there are comments. I never knew people actually read my blog once in a while, or even were kind enough to leave a comment. It's possibly the most exciting thing in the day, when you have absoloutely no expectations (or incredibly low expectations), and suddenly you see "1 new comment" or maybe "2 new comments". And then I click on these comments and find my own friends know that I have a blog here? And they have a blog here as well? and then I see on their lists that all of my friends have blogs here?? it's great I'm just realizing this now....(as I said.. not of the intelligent kind). So thanks for the replies guys ;)

Anyway, for anyone who happens to read this, I don't spend a lot of time on here, and have yet to figure out how you put those lists of friends, and sites, and things on the side of your page. Can anyone help teach this old dog some new tricks?

Lady S, signing off

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Does anyone still feel like it's finals??

Ok, I must be suffering from some sort of relaxation time delay or something. It's April 30th, my last exam was on the 28th... I should be sleeping in, relaxing, the clenching of the teeth and hands should have ceased, the pain in my knuckles should have subsided, and my brain should have stopped feeling like it's pulsating, or trying to expand to fit in facts like Hannibal was in Italy for 14 years.... But in the sad and scary reality. I'm getting just as many headaches from the teeth clenching and brain expansion, my hands and wrists hurt just the same although the writing has stopped, and I'm waking up at 9:00 am after going to sleep late, even though my head feels heavy and my eyes are heavy, dark, and drooping (or at least they feel that way), the night before.

(By the way: I changed the font colour to symbolize an ideal happy sort of image to a more depressing ugly, associate with blood/death sort of if anyone picked up on that... SEE! THIS IS THE KIND OF CRAP THAT SHOWS MY BRAIN WILL JUST NOT STOP WORKING!! STOP!!!! STOP!!!!!!!)

And also, is anyone sick of the fact that when you finally get a weekend after almost having a heartattack from finals, your expected to spend all weekend working (whether and home or at work) and doing chores, because since your home it doesn't mean vacation it means your finally home to work?

I'm ranting, and I'm a little pissed off I can't go to sleep...Ask for me in the morning and you shall find me a grave woman... (stupid brain won't stop working)

goodnight everyone

Sunday, March 12, 2006

For the first time.. in a long time

Well, I am back to posting, (although I'm quite sure nobody will read this.. sad really) and a lot of things have happened since. Let's see. We have a conservative minority (haha imaginary gun to head)... There were the Winter Olympics in Turin (yes Turin, not Torino.. or whatever they kept calling it, didn't really understand that). I told my mom I wanted to play Tennis in the next summer Olympics, and I got a hearty "Of course dear!" I started taking these arabic dance lessons called Dabke. It's where you stand in a circle basically to a specific kind of music and walk around with very complicated steps.. quite fun actually. (Except of course for the creepy guy ..who shall remain nameless.. who keeps talking to me.. very scared about this!)

In my English Class we've started reading my FAVOURITE novel "Pride and Prejudice" (yes I know.. most people would not agree.. especially the guys... yeah it's a chicks book! Whatever! lol) The funny part is, it's only me and about 2 other girls in the class that have actually read the book before.. so we know everything that happens.. while everyone (or at least 3 more people) are just reading it now. It's wonderful being the one who answers all the questions... fills me with such pride and pompous conceit! mwwahahahahaaaa

I beleive that's all for now.. but now that everyone (meaning the 2 people who will happen to come across this) is up-to-date I must start posting more regularl...

This is: Susanne. Signing off.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Being Outdone

Isn't it grand and wonderful when you feel you're doing well, you're putting in time and effort, and you're creating something good; and then you find a competitor has been outdoing you all this time, and suddenly you're work looks like amateur garbage... yes it may be 2:00am, and I may be incredibly tired and sick and not really thinking clearly, but I, will NOT be outdone by someone I don't even respect! Oh, prepare yourself little one.. it's only just begun!